December 24, 2003

Obscurity and Anonymity

After a great deal of reflection, I've decided to write a guide which I've chosen to title,
How to have an Obscure Blog that Almost Nobody Reads
By following my simple steps to obscurity, you too can have a blog that almost nobody reads. So, in the spirit of the holidays, here they are...

How to have an Obscure Blog that Almost Nobody Reads:

  1. Only link to blogs you like and regularly read, regardless of whether they link to you. (Collection of Thoughts, Blackfive, Evangelical Outpost, Arrghh!, Politburo Diktat)
  2. Be a regular guy with a boring desk type job and not a marine or soldier like this guy or this guy.
  3. Don't post any porn or even make references that may be construed as even slightly pornographic. (Especially don't mention Paris Hilton)
  4. Start your own Alliance with yourself as the only member -- and stay away from this pesky group.
  5. Only make comments on others blogs if you can be anonymous or offensive, or better yet, both.
  6. Have a complicated difficult to remember url or one that has no meaning to anyone other than yourself and one or two of your closest friends.
  7. Write wonkish essays on things that aren't necessarily current events.
  8. Kiss up to Glenn Reynolds. That's right, it won't likely get you anywhere.
  9. If you discuss religion, make really deep observations and references that only a bored seminary student with no real access to the net would be interested in reading.
  10. Stay away from the lawyers who write blogs. No good can come from striking up a conversation with them. (Besides aren't they all EVIL?) You'd have just as much luck trying to get something out of the Marines.
  11. Try to get a reciporical link to one of the official presidential campaign blogs, preferrably the one for Bush. Not even political hacks read them and so there will be no danger of any of them generating any traffic for you. (Except maybe someone reads Howard Dean's official blog, but you can safely assume that those people are just morons whom you wouldn't want to visit your page anyway.)
  12. Consistently claim that you only write your blog to satisfy your inner desire to express yourself and that you don't care if anyone else actually reads what you write. (Even if you do kind of wish that someone would notice your brilliant observations.)
  13. Stick with the blogging thing for only a few months and then, just to make things challenging, change the name of your blog.
  14. Have very few, if any, graphics. They just clutter things up and make reading your blog more of a pleasure. There's nothing wrong with good old-fashioned text.
  15. Make goofy observations like how you think the Iraq War will be turned into a popular television serious with a liberal peacenik subplot.
  16. Regularly mention how you are a conservative Christian, an evangelical even, and you'll be sure to become the life of the party.
  17. Write an insanely humorous article about how to be an obscure blogger and then post it right around Christmas when very few people will be likely to notice it.

Posted by jdmays at December 24, 2003 06:36 PM
Due to the proliferation of comment spam, I've had to close comments on this entry. If you would like to leave comment, please use one of my recent entries. Thank you and sorry for any inconvience caused.

Taking this under advisement if I ever decide to start a blog. I wouldn't want anyone to actually "read" it - I'd just like to write it. *g*

Posted by: Teresa at December 30, 2003 02:58 AM

Unfortunately, Matty O'Blackfive noticed you, and your dreams are probably ruined now.

Teresa - hate to disappoint you, but when you start blogging, you will be read.

Posted by: Harvey at December 30, 2003 03:13 PM