Jolly Rancher

The other day I saw this ad on television. It said I would love raising Alpacas. My first reaction was, "What the heck is an Alpaca?" Then, of course I saw all the pictures of children leading Alpacas around and various people hugging their Alpacas.

Just think, I could be an Alpaca rancher...

In case you don't know, an Alpaca is in the same family as Camels. I've heard Camels are pretty nasty, but according to this commerical I saw on television and several websites, I'll just love them. Llamas are also part of the same family as Alpacas. (The Camelids.)

This is Lorenzo Lamas. He's not a camelid. (There's only one "L" in lamas.)

Apparently, raising Alpacas is a lifestyle. I don't know exactly what that's supposed to mean, but many of the Alpaca websites make that statement. Does it mean you'll be too poor to do anything else? Or it could be that you'll just love Alpacas so much that you don't want to do anything else. Neither one of those choices sounds very good to me.

Let's say you decide to dive right in to the Alpaca business. What exactly do you do with them? Well, an Alpaca website says,

Alpaca prices have been stable for many years, so the key to profitability currently is in breeding animals and in selling or rebreeding the offspring (rather than simply reselling the original animal). Rebreeding any offspring further compounds your original investment. As the table on the right shows, starting with just 3 bred females could result in a herd size of 20 alpacas in 5 years, assuming half of the offspring are female and half are male. At an average value of, for example, $5,000 for males and $15,000 for females, your original investment of $45,000 would be worth $180,000 in 5 years. [Source]

So, unless I'm mistaken, the way to make big bucks off these guys is by selling them to someone else so they can have this Alpaca lifestyle. Doesn't sound like a very good business model to me. In fact, it's starting to sound suspiciously like selling Amway, only the Alpacas make a lot more of a mess.

What you lookin' at?

But wait! There's more!

Alpacas have a gentle beauty and mystique that's hard to deny. Domesticated for over 6000 years, they're the oldest domesticated livestock. Producers of the fiber of the gods, sole property of the Incan rulers, they were nearly driven to extinction by the Spanish conquistadors. Until 1993, they were classified as a national treasure in Peru and export of live alpacas was illegal.

Now in North American, alpacas continue to transfix us. Long elegant necks, large eyes, gentle humming, rich colors, bright whites, gorgeous fiber, and playful antics all make them irresistable to those of us who catch the "alpaca bug." In addition, their ease of maintenance and low impact on the environment makes it possible to raise them on small acreage with little previous livestock experience and restores the hope for many of a viable family farm.

The potential markets for an animal with the characteristics of the alpaca are vast. Alpacas are loved by their owners and respected by those who process or wear products made from their fleece.

So now the "national treasure in Peru" is available for families to raise on their own ranches. Don't forget. You'll also love and respect these fine creatures. What I suspect they don't say in all this is that Alpacas are dumber than dirt and virtually do nothing but eat and visit the Llama restroom.

I'm having second thoughts about becoming an Alpaca Rancher. For one thing, what do you do if you can't sell them? I'm a horrible salesperson and If I can't sell them I'd hate to have to take them out back and dispatch them to "Llama Heaven".

This one looks like Rush Limbaugh

Besides, I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it and I doubt you can raise many Alpacas on a third of an acre. I bet Alpacas smell too. No, I guess I won't be starting my Alpaca ranch anytime soon. But if you're interested you can read this article, City folks raise huggable alpacas for fun and profit. Just don't blame me when you can't sell the darn things and all they'll do is hang around your house and eat your hay.

Posted by jdmays at June 15, 2004 06:57 PM | TrackBack