An Open Letter to Car Dealers

Dear Car Dealers,

No, I don't want to buy a car. Not at 0% interest. Not for a $500 rebate. No, I don't want to lease one either. I want to let you know that I'm not fooled by all the gimmicks you use to advertise. I know for a fact that there is no such thing as a "sale". The cars you sell will still cost me the same thing whether I buy it at your special, "Fourth of July Extravaganza" or on a typical day. Yes, it looks kind of interesting when you place all those flags and red, white, and blue ribbons all over the cars, but I know that it still doesn't affect the price.

I also know that your cars will still cost the same whether I buy the car at your lot or at a special tent sale. The fact that you pack up all the cars and set them up in a big tent at the local Wal-Mart makes no difference in the price. I don't understand why you keep doing these gimmicks. I can only wonder at the intelligence of people who think, "Gee they moved all these cars to Wal-Mart so they must be cheaper." It must work otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it.

Finally, there's one other thing that's been annoying me for years. Seeing your gawky looking daughter, your wife with too much makeup, or any of your pets on television hawking those cars, doesn't make me want to buy one. You've paraded your relatives, your pets, and even your customers in front of the television and I've never thought to myself, "Gee, I want to buy a car now that I've seen that dealer's three year old daughter telling me to buy one."

If you really want to sell more cars I have a good idea for you. Be honest. Treat your customers fairly instead of trying to milk more money out of them with various tricks. Then once they buy a car, treat them like they're part of the family. Your reputation will grow and then you won't have to run all those cheesy commercials in order to sell cars. More importantly, then I won't have to watch them.

Sincerely,
JD Mays