Real Men don't write checks.
Writing checks takes too long and it's for wimps. Real men only use a charge card or a debit card.
Real Men can do all of their shopping for everyone in two hours...or less.
Real Men don't buy their wives sexy lingerie as a Christmas present.
They know that such things are a huge turnoff to women.
Real Men don't cruise around the parking lot incessantly until they get a close spot.
They park in the back row and walk to the store. They need the exercise and leave the close spots for the women, children and elderly.
Real Men get the attractive sales person to "help them" pick out nice outfits for their wives.
It's enjoyable for all involved and the wives actually get an outfit that matches.
Real Men don't unwrap a present while being careful to save the paper for later.
No, Real Men rip into their presents with a ferocity that befits their manliness.
Real Men don't wear stocking hats.
A Real Man pretends his ears aren't cold even if the temperature is in the single digits and he can't feel his ears anymore. (Okay, maybe that one is a trifle dumb. But if he's going to wear a stocking hat it should be as a last resort.)
Real Men don't wear fur.
Real Men don't scrape the ice off their whole windshield, just a little hole in front of the driver and they don't scrape the back window either. Why would you need to see where you've already been?
I'm sure there are other things a Real Man doesn't do so I'm going to leave it up to the comments for suggestions...
Posted by jdmays at December 22, 2004 10:18 PM | TrackBackJust a few thoughts, with more to come later ...
--- Real men AND real women shop in locally owned businesses first even if cheapster Wal-Mart charges less for the same items. SOME things really are more important than money!
--- Real men AND real women still sneak downstairs at night to sit alone before the lighted Christmas tree. And, they are not afraid to shed a tear or two when they count their blessings.
--- Real children do not call all of their friends to brag about how much loot they received for Christmas.
--- Real dads (and moms) know their kids well enough to be able to buy them a gift that "fits," whether it be clothes or something else. And real kids forgive the parent who doesn't always get the "right fit."
--- Real co-workers do not gripe about how so-and-so managed to get both Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day off from work. Instead, they are grateful to have a job that brings them joy.
--- Real people pray for "peace on Earth" each and every day, not just on Christmas.
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This comment was redacted on account of the fact that it was just plain too stupid (and off topic) to be left in this space. AOO apologizes for the inconvenience.
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Real men hope to get coal each Christmas so they can cut down on the heating bill.
Real men help their wives cook a big Christmas meal, then load it in the car and take it to the nearest shelter to help feed some people.
Sarah and Columcille: I agree!
-JDM